I feel like a failure. It's now been 351 days since I had sex. That's a cannal drought. If Bob Geldof knew about it he'd hold a a concert.
Sarah Sargeant has been single for three years and nine months. She has just spent five months plucking up the courage to ask out a balding man with a paunch who works in her local pub. The gentleman in question informed her that he would rather stay in and watch the Narnia movie on DVD. Her pride has not just been bruised, it's been disembowelled. And she vows it's the last time she will ever reach out to a member of the opposite sex.