Atomic Habits: Start with the self (2/4)

When we set out to achieve what we want in life, we set goals or milestones that we then try to reach. Habit expert and author James Clear was no exception, and he needed goals after suffering serious injury in an accident while playing baseball: to recover and get back on his feet.

Like us, Clear had mixed results with his goals and eventually he concluded that it wasn't the objectives he set but how he went about achieving them. "Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results," he writes in his book, Atomic Habits.

While you need goals to determine where you're heading, you need to know how to get there. Instead of dwelling too much on "where", Clear advocates putting more effort into "how", which will pay for itself in the long run.

"True long-term thinking is goal-less thinking," he states. "It’s not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress."

And he believes it's hard to form good habits and ditch bad ones because we're not starting our change with our identity: our beliefs and what we think about ourselves and others. In the three layers of behaviour change that he presents, identity is at the core, followed by processes and outcomes.

Clear posits that for change to be effective, we must change who we want to be because habits that will help us with our goals but are not aligned with our very being will not stick. "There is internal pressure to maintain your self-image and behave in a way that is consistent with your beliefs. You find whatever way you can to avoid contradicting yourself."

This is why almost everyone gets cold feet because one's self is the biggest psychological barrier on the road towards change. Who we are is the product of years of education and experiences. Undoing that – even in part – to better ourselves requires fighting mental inertia from becoming too comfortable with who we are.

Perhaps that is why the late Bruce Lee said that one must be like water: formless, shapeless, malleable. If we are "like water", redefining ourselves becomes easier because we're not locked into a certain identity or mindset.

"Progress requires unlearning," writes Clear. "Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity."

So instead of initiating change with goals, we should start with ourselves. We can embody different traits, and our identities are not carved in stone. Who we want to be can be reinforced by the habits we choose.

Building better habits is not about applying life hacks to make things easier, earn more, or become healthier or happier. "Habits can help you achieve all of these things," Clear notes, "but fundamentally, they are not about having something. They are about becoming someone."

More about Atomic Habits is coming; next, we'll delve into why we build habits and how they work.