Toxic workplaces: Don't be part of the problem

If yours is a toxic workplace, finding an oasis of calm – or a few minutes of respite – over there can be daunting, if not impossible. Like the plague – or COVID-19, workplace toxicity spreads, and those who are infected will eventually become the jerks they hate or disdain, taking all that negativity home and everywhere else.

The best way to deal with it is to find a less toxic workplace – maybe even a non-toxic workplace! – but not everyone can afford to job-hop. It could be the economy, the job market, or one's personal circumstances. Discovering that elusive dream workplace can be harder than finding a needle in a haystack.

If you are stuck where you are and can't leave, the next best thing is to protect yourself from the toxicity of your workplace. What is also important is to not be part of the problem. Toxicity is contagious, and if you feel strongly about jerks, you should endeavour not to be one. But it's easy to forget as we are tossed to and fro by the demands of our jobs, our hectic pace of life, and the jerks we have to deal with.

A few things to bear in mind:

• Stop making excuses for a boss's or colleague's toxic behaviour, or cover up the severity of the problem with things like "oh, he's not usually like that". Toxic people don't always act alone, especially those in power; they have people who smooth things over after each outburst, which allows them to remain toxic instead of improving themselves. Don't be one of those enablers, no matter what you're offered. Also, stay away from mean office gossip or the urge to pile on newbies or vulnerable employees.
• Enforce a no-jerk rule at the workplace, especially when you are in a position to do so. Post-pandemic, as more were being called back to the office, workplace culture has fallen under increasing scrutiny, spurring demand for ways to confront workplace toxicity. If you're lower in rank, it's still possible to foster a better work environment: create a safe haven for at-risk colleagues, particularly newbies, from the wrath of the office jerks. Use stories of encounters awful people as an example of behaviours to not emulate.
• Befriending your tormentors might sound outrageous. People have bad days and if they seem rude, sarcastic, abrupt or condescending, don't jump to conclusions. Be kind: ask them about their day, and if they tell you, empathise and be patient. In a place that's sufficiently toxic, a little kindness can do wonders. However, use this approach sparingly with toxic people with a history of awful behaviour, who you know will seize any chance to be terrible to you. These types you should steer clear of.

But wait: are YOU a jerk to begin with? You might not think you are, but when you're surrounded by jerks day in and day out, some of their toxicity will rub off on you. Being rude, abrasive or sarcastic as a form of defence will backfire when you direct such attitudes to the wrong people, and it sticks the longer you remain in a toxic environment.

Is this the type of person you want to be? Do you want to be remembered as "that jerk" by the people you interact with? If not, strive to improve. If you need to, apologise sincerely to those you have hurt and promise not to repeat the behaviour. Recruit trusted friends, mentors and family members to prompt you every time you step out of line.

If you foresee having trouble with cleansing yourself of workplace toxicity, no fear. We have books on mindfulness that can help you be more self-aware, plus books on fixing habits that you can also look up.

The advice above is taken from The Asshole Survival Guide by Robert I. Sutton. More tips, examples and cautionary tales of toxic people can be found in the book.

Note that in some cultures and societies, the tips and advice given in some self-help books may not be suitable or may even backfire. Know your company culture and what it demands before using the tips in such books.